Snowflakes & the Disadvantages Of Free Bus Travel

First things first, today I woke up (I'm assuming it'll have been the same way for the majority of you as well - maybe except from whoever visited from America [that map is awesome!] - unless you muddled up your IP address to make it seem like you were from America - this hyphen-ridden sentence makes bugger all sense now does it? I could continue but for fear of destroying all that I know and love I am going to stop), done the usual morning pee/etc, looked around as I left the toilet and BAM! It's snowing! Awesome, though I think Kim and I may be the only people who actually like the snow anymore, the amount of 'aaw ffs I cba with the snow' status updates are getting a bit ridiculous. Whatever happened to the snow being the huge happy surprise it was when you woke up? D'you not remember waiting anxiously to see if the school was cold enough to open? Or if it was, the turmoil and strict teachings of the total bitch of a 'I'm going to keep you all in at playtime whilst it's snowing' headteacher? Or even, the good old fashioned snow ball fight? Making forts in the snow? Building snowmen? I think the novelty of snow seems to have completely disappeared since it started a few months ago - yeah, it did cause some problems for some people, but for those that it didn't, WHY DIDN'T YOU ENJOY IT?! Granted, I did bugger all when it was snowing, complained about the ice and generally was far too cold, but that's beside the point. Get outside and make a snowman!

Anyway, to the other point of the title. Free bus travel. I think I've made it apparent to everyone I've got a mild case of epilepsy, but I don't think I've mentioned this yet. That 'mild case of epilepsy' actually entitles me to a nice modified Young Scot Card/Bus Pass thing, that actually lets me on buses for free. Forever, I'm assuming. I hear thunderous applause and complaints, 'why does that make you at a disadvantage Mark?!' I hear them say. I shall tell you now. Imagine this. You get on the early morning bus (the one that's full of people over the age of 90). Now each of these people put THEIR cards on the scanner, which allows them to get free bus travel. Which is fair enough, they're all pretty old and somehow deserve said bus travel - but then, after that huge line of people have boarded the bus, here I come. A random looking boy, who now looks quite uneasy. He puts his own bus card on the scanner, watching the disbelief rise in the eyes of the bus driver, who looks back and forward from card to boy - 'aye right son' he's thinking. Then, the scanner reads 'CARD ACCEPTED' and the bus driver grunts, the boy takes his ticket and turns around - to a completely new bus. The sweet old gran that was offering you Werther's Originals before has developed bloodshot, evil eyes, sharpened teeth, and is staring at you in a sinister and evil fashion. The old men who joked around at the bus stop as a young girl walked past and he tried to wolf whistle and jeer with his old man friends all suddenly get all war vet on you. They pull out 32 caliber revolvers, fully loaded. They look battle-hardened and ready to fight. And you can tell, in this new bus, there is a shared thought. 'He doesn't deserve this free bus travel. We must destroy him.'

Granted, it's slightly less harsh than that, but it also comes with other downsides. There's also the problem of a 'mild case of epilepsy' being a non-visual disability (which is why I got the card in the first place, in case you've just joined us). So, imagine the same scenario, but these people have broken limbs, false legs, pretty real disabilities - and on the bus I happily go, popping my card onto the reader to turn around to millions of false limbs mid-flight, all aimed at my face. I actually find myself trying to act like I have epilepsy. Now, I have no idea what a really bad case of epilepsy looks like, so I have no idea what to do. The result is an awkward looking boy, mocking all those who have real and dangerous disabilities by trying to 'fit in'. Granted, that approach hasn't done me well, so from now on I'm just going to have to put up with the false limbs, revolver wounds and scratches from 90 year old women who share the exact same thought as me - 'I don't really deserve this bus travel, but fuck it, it's pretty damn awesome.'

Looking back on that, I want to clarify that this post is in no way meant to be taken offensively. I just realised the content and hope I haven't offended anyone who has false limbs, a real disability or are over the age of 90.

Next week, the Design Argument!
xxx

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